Why I Believe Republican Promises

Reblogged from voluntaryfiber:

I’ve been following politics for four decades. Americans elect a Democratic president every time the economy needs help. Then as soon as it gets better, a Republican promises a panacea of low taxes leading to economic growth. So the voters kick out the Democrat that fixed things in favor of a Republican that sells them a bill of goods.

In forty years, the goods have never arrived – just the bill.

Read more… 291 more words

The more things change, the more they stay the same!

Voluntary News for August 23, 2012

Romney Reveals Plan to Ruin Environment; Rule North America

Crown of Nation of North America

    King Romney’s Coronation

    Inaugural Ball

Apparently unaware that Canada and Mexico are sovereign nations, Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney unveiled his plans today to “make North America energy independent by 2020.”

King Romney’s plans include increasing Arctic, Alaskan and off-shore oil production.

Arctic Wildlife Refuge Under Romney Plan

Alaska’s Mount McKinley Under Romney Plan

King Romney’s plans also include fracking for oil hidden miles deep in shale rock a la natural gas production.

Clear Morning Skies in Fracking-Friendly State

There was no mention of wind or solar energy production.

King Romney’s Relationship with Fossil Fuel Industry

Biodiesels, including ethanol from corn, would comprise 0.1% of King Romney’s energy production.

Current Corn Production in Iowa

King of North America Romney’s plans would allow states to issue oil drilling permits on Federal Lands within their states.

Geysers in Yellowstone Under Romney Energy Plan

Reported by: Evan More 8/23/12

Images courtesy of Word Clip Art

Happy Holiday: Labor Day Edition!

Well, Labor Day is just around the corner. I hope you have a great holiday!

My bad!

But not as much as I hope I start making better comments on your blogs – because even I’m beginning to wonder about me!

But more than I hope this election season runs into overtime – because there’s a tiny part of one of my eyes that I haven’t poked out yet.

But not as much as I hope Donald Trump takes an active role in Mitt Romney’s campaign – because he’s such a “uniter”!

And almost as much as I hope NBC gets the rights to the next summer Olympics – because who really needs to see excellence from “foreigners” when we can watch non-medal performances from Americans instead?!

But not nearly as much as I hope NBC keeps using Ryan Seacrest as a commentator for the Olympics – because when you think of sports, you think of Seacrest – am I right?!

Or as much as I hope advertisers keep using nerdy sounding white guys sing-talking banal rhymes over simplistic music – because that’s hardly annoying at all!

Gay Rights Activist

But more than I hope I get to keep watching straight people debate my gay rights – because that’s not absurd at all!

And almost as much as I hope people keep referring to mass shootings as “senseless acts of violence” – because it helps to distinguish them from all those sensible acts of violence! Plus, guns don’t kill people – bullets do!

But not as much as I hope the coal, oil and natural gas lobbies keep referring to their products as the only sources of domestic energy – because then we can stock up on our wind and solar reserves while we’re depleting fossil fuels.

Wind Farmers

All in all, I hope you have a great Labor Day!

Evan More 8/16/12

Images courtesy of Word Clip Art

Mitt Romney Tries to “Pass” as Black*

In the past few weeks it seems the once “whitest man on earth in so many ways” Mitt Romney has been getting darker and darker. I have no problem with a Black candidate – I voted for Barack Obama for Senator and President, and I’m happy with my choice. But I’m not sure I’m entirely comfortable with Mitt Romney trying to “pass” as black!

Here’s a picture of Romney in June:

The Romney we know

Now look at him on July 1^st:

Still recognizable…

Now on July 18^th:

Who is that man?

And finally on July 29^th:

?*@#1

I can’t figure out what his goal is. Does Romney think he can fool some African-Americans into voting for him? Is he trying to appeal to Hispanic/Latino voters or the “spray-tan” set? Doesn’t he realize there are no pictures on the ballot?

Do I really want to know the reason?  No!  I want The Pasty to remain who they are and not try to trick decent people in to thinking they have “roots”! It’s unseemly and unsettling!

I hope he gets pulled over for “campaigning while Black”!

Posited by Evan More 8/11/12

*The above article is intended to be entirely humorous – is pure conjecture loosely based on observations – and in no way reflects the opinion of the editors or any real opinions at all. We apologoze in advance. It’s a joke! Please don’t freak out.

What If They Held an Election and Nobody Voted?

Leaders of both political parties – the Democratic and that other one – have to be worried about voter apathy in the general election. The contest currently looks like a “Safety First” episode of “Mr. Virtuous versus The Ken Doll.” The blandness makes it hard to tell who the bad guy is (hint: rhymes with “Ben Moll”). Neither “party” is providing decent material for political satirists.

But there’s a sure-fire way to add some spice to the election – have Ken pick Minnesota congresswoman Michele Bachmann as his running mate. Her partial lobotomy ensures that the campaign would become just like a remake of the Twilight Zone. Who doesn’t want that?

Bachmann is sure to say things like, “We have to unseat Barack Obama. He was never officially elected president. You can tell just by looking at him he’s a North Korean spy!”  The best part is she will absolutely, unequivocally, detrimentally mean it! That’s what makes her so much fun!

When Bachmann pays homage to Palin by claiming, “I can see Pluto from my house! But so can everyone else who lives on Mars!” she’ll mean that, too!

If Ken truly cares about the election, he’ll do the right thing and ensure that we’re invested in the outcome. The mere suggestion that Bachmann could be a heartbeat away from the presidency should do the trick! Ken owes us that.

In case you think I’m exaggerating, read this article on Bachmann’s ten craziest quotes: http://thinkprogress.org/politics/2011/06/16/246618/bachmann-craziest-quotes/?mobile=nc

At least it will pass the time while we wait for the election to get interesting. You’re welcome!

Evan More 7/14/12

We Can’t Have a President Named “Mitt”

Mitt Romney cannot be elected president. How could the rest of the world respect us with a “President Mitt”?  “Barack” is a strong name. You almost have to clench your fist and squeeze it like an Eastern European in a heated discussion to say it right.

Picture introducing the Russian president to Mitt Romney: “Vladimir, meet Mitt” – pathetic. Vladimir, like Barack, sounds sturdy; capable – fearsome, even. But it’s impossible to say Mitt without hearing the tiny, sad voice of Warner Brothers cartoon character, “Droopy Dog” operating the elevator in “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?”  “Going up, sir?” “Going down, sir?”

“Mitt” even seems like it should be written: mitt. The name “Romney” is really no better; especially compared to “Obama,” which, like “Barack” exudes strength.

So forget politics this November and do what is right for our country’s self-esteem.

On the other hand, it will be a relief, in four years, to finally be able to say our president’s last name aloud in an airport without being arrested by TSA (think about it).* That is, as long as she’s a Democrat.

Opined by: Evan More 7/3/12

*See comments

Shameless plug: http://wheniwasagoodperson.wordpress.com

Voluntary Folly

Tom Cruise Loses Doll

Veteran actor Tom Cruise has reported that a doll he purchased five years ago has gone missing. “She was my favorite of the three toys I’ve owned over the years. I purposely bought a more youthful model because it giggled more than the ones made to resemble mature women,” the distraught actor told Entertainment Tonight yesterday. ET apparently misconstrued the story at first. They broadcast an hour-long special Saturday night dedicated to Tom Cruise’s entire life as if he had died.

Tea Party Upbeat About Pessimism 

The Tea Party held its Second Annual “We the People” convention in Columbus, Ohio this weekend in advance of the upcoming general election – which the group; always reluctant to be dramatic, called, “The most crucial election in the history of our lives.” The “We” in their name refers to 1,000 attendees. It’s not clear who is documenting the history of their lives.

The emphasis was on convincing someone/anyone that the federal health care act signifies the impending loss of all freedoms – a carry-over from Minnesota Representative Michelle Bachmann contending that the health care mandate marks the first time Americans have been forced to purchase a product against their will. The senator continued, “Also, I don’t carry car insurance. So watch out with me on the road!”

This is too precious to paraphrase, so here’s part of a report on the “convention” pertaining to Thursday’s Supreme Court ruling upholding the mandate verbatim:

Tea Party member Dina Littlehouse, a mother of two from Virginia, said she was using the ruling as a teachable moment for her young kids, standing by her side outside the court.

“I need them to understand that freedom is always in danger,” said Littlehouse. “And I need them to use every civil means possible to fight against it and to reinstitute freedom in our society.”

http://www.npr.org/2012/06/29/155996788/tea-party-sees-ruling-as-new-rallying-cry?ft=1&f=2

Apparently, Littlehouse thinks it’s unprecedented for the government to govern. Her kids are unschooled at home.

“The fate of the nation rests with us,” said Tom Zawistowski, the convention’s president. “We’ve been so disappointed when we’ve had other people deciding for us [by voting]. There will be no one else deciding for us. We can do this on our own.” Adding, “After all, we have the most guns.”

“Sometimes, I think conservatives are closet conservatives,” said Diane Robison, a Kent [Ohio] resident attending her first convention. “People don’t realize how many others hold their views.”  Robinson further illustrated, “Remember, we’re a thousand strong here this weekend! So, we represent a significant portion of a tiny percentage of voters!”

http://www.dispatch.com/content/stories/local/2012/06/30/fears-fuel-kinship-at-tea-party-convention.html

also: http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-18563_162-57464604/tea-party-still-warming-up-to-mitt-romney/

Compiled and enhanced by: Evan More 7/2/12

Shameless plug: http://wheniwasagoodperson.wordpress.com/

Happy Holiday!

The Fourth of July is coming. I hope you have a great holiday!

But not as much as I hope middle-aged comedians keep making movies in which they play guys in their twenties that relate to the world like they’re still in high school – ‘cause that’s not just sad – it’s funny too!

But more than I hope my neighbor’s drug dealer with no muffler on his car keeps leaving his engine running whenever he “stops by” for twenty minutes.

But not as much as I hope television’s favorite interior decorator Nate Berkus keeps using street slang on his show – because it’s important to know when something is over. I’m just saying…

Or as much as I hope another new internet search engine comes out tomorrow – ‘cause you can’t use just one!

But not nearly as much as I hope Clive Owen makes another violent action movie real soon – because what’s it been – like ten minutes?! By now it’s hard to imagine him having to act ever again.

And definitely not more than I hope Stephen Colbert continues to be “on” all the time – because that hardly wears me out at all.

Or as much as I hope people keep equating successful sports coaching with qualities like integrity and compassion – because it’s easier to believe that than the truth.

And, definitely not as much as I hope today’s pop stars keep regurgitating 90’s Hi-NRG dance anthems – because I always wanted Haddaway’s “What Is Love” to chart again.

Anyway, I hope you have a great holiday!

Vented by: Evan More 6/27/12

Why I Believe Republican Promises

I’ve been following politics for four decades. Americans elect a Democratic president every time the economy needs help. Then as soon as it gets better, a Republican promises a panacea of low taxes leading to economic growth. So the voters kick out the Democrat that fixed things in favor of a Republican that sells them a bill of goods.

In forty years, the goods have never arrived – just the bill. When it’s overdue, the voters get another Democrat to pay it. Rinse and repeat ad nauseam.

But I for one believe the Republican formula for stability and growth will ultimately work because:

I also believe if I bang on my head with a hammer every day, it will eventually not hurt. Anyway, if I stop, it will still hurt for a while. So why not keep doing it? And:

The Republicans are the party of God. God keeps promises on God’s time – so, by default, the Republicans will come through on their terms; not ours. Have some faith – what’s forty years among friends? And:

We had growth under Ronald Reagan – and by “we” I mean yuppies, not air traffic controllers. Look it up. And:

Why wouldn’t the party that takes away a worker’s right to organize for a living wage and safe workplace have my best interests at heart? I’m sure they’re interested in me having the best life I know of. And:

Not everyone can have it all. Why not let those that already have it keep it? They know best what to do with it. Plus, if you put enough crumbs together, they make a pile of… And:

Republicans say, “A rising tide lifts all boats.” So if could afford a boat, I could get my head above water?

America, I’m begging you – give the Republicans another chance to improve your lives using methods that have never worked. Some people claim that doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is the definition of insanity. I prefer to think of it as going to work by driving away from it. What harm could come from that?

Evan More 6/21/12

Voluntary News for June 19, 2012

Section 1: News for Guns

U.S., Chinese, Russian Troops Play Musical Chairs

The U.S., which strongly objects to Russia’s military support of the Syrian government, is sending 13,500 troops to Kuwait, according to a recently released congressional report. The U.S also has troops in Bahrain, Saudi Arabia, Qatar, Oman and the U.A.E., because, as the report states, “Home to more than ½ of the world’s oil reserves and 1/3 of its natural gas, the stability of the Persian gulf is critical to the global [translation: American] economy.”

When asked why the U.S. supports regimes in Bahrain, Qatar, and Saudi Arabia despite their dismal human rights records, a state department spokesperson replied, “We hoped by keeping the focus on Russia and Syria we wouldn’t have to answer that. And for the most part, the American media seems willing to cooperate – except for those renegades over at Yahoo.”

Meanwhile, China, having not seen the sun for years because of pollution from outdated coal-fired power plants working overtime to fuel their growing economy, is reportedly sending 50,000 troops to the U.S. to protect its pristine solar reserves. A Chinese official explained, “Because of their strict emissions standards, the Americans have abundant sunlight. Well, so do the Europeans, but we would have to buy them, too.”

U.S. Sells Weapons to U.S. Military

Two democratic congressmen recently opposed the sale of military parts and equipment to Bahrain. The state department went ahead anyway; claiming it was for “Bahrain’s ‘external’ defense (?!) and the U.S. 5th fleet,” stationed there.

http://news.yahoo.com/us-plans-significant-military-presence-kuwait-072151469.html

Section 2: Arts & Crafts

Rubio Pro-Lawlessness

The increasingly superfluous Florida Senator Marco Rubio announced today that he would have come here illegally if his family was living in desperation elsewhere. Rubio continued, “Luckily, I never had to resort to that. Being Republican, I got a hook-up!”

Gingrich Advises Romney on Losing

Third place Republican presidential primary finisher, Newt Gingrich is offering general election advice to Mitt Romney. Gingrich also reported in a recent interview that he urged both his supporters to vote for the Republican nominee.

Romney Depresses Rust Belt

Presidential candidate Mitt Romney toured crucial Midwestern swing states today – the ones with the lowest unemployment rates in the country – to tell them how bad they really have it. Next, Romney travels to Colorado to call it flat.

McConnell Mad at Self

Senate Minority Leader, Mitch McConnell appeared on the CBS Morning Show today to complain about the gridlock in Washington — that he caused by declaring on his first day as leader that his number one priority was preventing President Obama’s reelection. McConnell urged, “If we’re ever going to get anything done, someone has to do something about me!”

Reported by: Evan More 6/19/12